like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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