it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
