franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
