We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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