either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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