Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize