I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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