She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
