he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i love accidental penises.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i will never coherently bang her
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
