I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
FUCK WHALES
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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