drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize