If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
