We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
