Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
