"it" just moved
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
