Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
