Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
