I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
