Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
