Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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