are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Do vagina's smell?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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