Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
