1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Alive.
So much puke
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
