Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
