why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize
