there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
