Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
So many bounce houses so little time
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
