Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
