I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Please don't give away my fajitas
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
