Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
