Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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