Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
