this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
