seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
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