hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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