time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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