Need sex. Gaining weight.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
