Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
