hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
