I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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