The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Randomize
