I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
