Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
