It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I want to be your penis for a week.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
