I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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