I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
