His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
