I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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