Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
BRING THE BAGELS
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
