he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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