The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
