you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
