Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
