I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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