Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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