ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
