i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
