There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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