absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Randomize
