So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
