this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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