im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
