I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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