Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Randomize
