I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
