Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
