I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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