i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
send nudes
from the living room?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize