and you said cock pushups were impossible
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Vodka?
Forever.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
