i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
