her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
