You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
