I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
