We're like a lot better than the average bears
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
