Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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