I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
