the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
