The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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