I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I AM VODKA MAN
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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