new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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