So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
