I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize