I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
