She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
