I could make wine with my vomit
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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