so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
