my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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