well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
