and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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