ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
