can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
