i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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