If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
