I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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