how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Randomize
