My liver just broke up with me...
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
