You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
