she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
